You know how us Catholic girls can be
We make up for so much time a little too late
I never forgot it, confusing as it was

Sometime in May, 2006, Somewhere in Manchester.

She picked a small chunk of flesh from her hand and flicked it away, the blood spattering on the floor as she looked on in disgust. Naked before her altar, she had poured out her soul for hours, to find no hope and no forgiveness. She reached again to pick at the shredded flesh of her hands, unthinking of the fact that it was really her own, not Brandon's. She couldn't feel the pain, anyway. Simple sorrow had become a deepening regret in a world that offered no forgiveness for her deed.

Brandon sure couldn't--she'd killed him.

No fun with no guilt feelings
The sinners, the saviors, the loverless priests
I'll see you next Sunday

Late June, 1528, outside Basel, Switzerland, near the German Border

Magnus did his best to squeeze through the great timbered door of what was once Kern's keep. He shambled through the tiny passageways and back to the servant quarters, grunting out numerous curses as he led the way for the much smaller man behind him. "We need to stop and get the keys, first." he said as they got back to the servant quarters. The ghoul Gerhardht was supposed to be there--Magnus had left specific orders.

"Keys, Magnus?" Arkien said with a distasteful sniff of the musty air. "What did you do? Chain her up?"

"Precisely."

The Salubri rubbed at his forehead a little, watching Magnus with undisguised shock.

"What?!" Magnus said with a little exasperation. "Did you expect me to let her run the countryside like she was?" He snorted "She was totally beyond reason when I found her."

Arkien shrugged, the look of disapproval apparent as Magnus rapped on a wooden door. A small, but very sturdy little man came out with a vessel and a set of keys. "I suppose it was necessary, but I'd hardly call it 'humane'" he glanced upon the little man, before looking back to the towering Gangrel again. "Let's get on with this. Shall we?"

"I'd hardly call her 'humane', Arkien." Magnus grumbled as the ghoul closed the door behind him and motioned down the cramped corridor. "It's not like I enjoyed it...." The Gangrel was clearly unhappy.

Gerhardht led the way by candlelight, which both kindred stayed properly clear of. "I did just as you said and fed her every few days, Magnus, sir. I didn't want to see her suffer or anything." he mumbled it mostly and was trying to put a good face on it. It was a number of flights down through the miserable confines of the crumbling keep before they reach the deepest of the dungeons. The weak, but distinct howling was readily heard in the distance. "She is hoarse now, but I kept her alive, just like you said."

Arkien heard the wailing that echoed through the lower reaches and sighed. The ghoul stopped in front of the last of the iron doors and fumbled with the keys, mumbling to himself about taking good care of the source of the sound. The Salubri realized, from the shrill pain in the voice, that he had his work cut out for him.

A set of strong hands seized her by the wrists and pulled them away from each other again. Her mind was still a blur of images and anxieties, the words filtering through the haze "Oh no... you're not doing this again...you hear me?" She sank in submission, not even fighting as her arms were contorted around to prevent her from removing the stagnant flesh from them.

She started to rouse from it after finally being slammed to the floor, Jason's voice yelling to her "Dammit! Answer me, woman!" Fursa felt his full wieght across her chest and only resisted him a fraction. "Fursa!" she heard in a moment of focus "Dammit! Are you with me?"

The truth was that she had no idea where she was, let alone anything else.

The door opened into a room that could only be termed a torture chamber. Gerhardt stepped through just ahead of them and shuffled to the side, handing Magnus the closed vessel, his eyes a little wide "I'm sure glad you're here, she has been a handful.

"I'm sure she has been." Magnus grunted, none too thrilled. He had done something to his sire that he never wanted to do, and had troubled him for the whole 23 days it took to get Arkien and return here. Fursa had left him no choice, the violence had consumed her. He had left her in Gerhardht's care, promising the ghoul to embrace him as Kern's childe in exchange for the care of the most precious thing in the world to him.

Arkien stepped into the chamber with an unvieled contempt for what he saw. He sighed again, not wanting to think about how he got into this. All around lay the long disused tools of the trade. The repulsive smell of decayed blood filled air and emanations of long done atrocities assualted his psyche. In the middle, hang the crowning glory of this miserable place. Fursa hang there in heavy irons, her feet nowhere close to the floor, howling and stuggling to get free. "Saulot...." he hissed and then glared at Magnus. "I supposed you *had* to, right?"

Magnus simply nodded helplessly as his sire let out a new round of deranged howls.

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

Vision cleared after a long struggle with the weight on top of her. Jason had her pinned, shouting at her, "Damn you, Fursa...I want to fucking talk to *you*!" She flinched, trying to sit up and get her hands free, to no avail. Her head slammed back to the floor with an audible thud and she let out a grunt.

"Are you with me, woman?" he yelled at her, exceedingly frustrated. Jason searched her face, seeing something there of a glimmering focus in her deranged look. He lowered his head and said, practically begging her "Just come back, Dammit! You gotta stop this shit!"

She was still a bit disoriented and mumbled out a bunch of things in her native tongue, none of which were particularly sacred or pleasant, before pumping herself up a little to push him off. He seemed to have anticipated this and slammed her back to the floor again. This time, she saw the stars.

"No, dammit!" he growled right into her face. "NOT until you're here with me!" He was surprised by his tone, even if he wasn't about to let go. She was scaring the living hell out of him.

The Salubri looked at the thrashing kindred with great annoyance "You left her there?! For how long?" Arkien was flatly stunned by the scene and it troubled him deeply that it was someone to whom he owed his existence. Fursa had saved him from the Tremere in the previous century. When Magnus came to him with the news, he had dropped everything to follow the devoted childe here.

"23 days." was all Magnus said. Getting chewed out by a Salubri was not a pleasant proposition, but he accepted it silently.

"Why didn't you just stake her?" Arkien quipped in a cruelly sarcastic voice as he stepped over and began to focus himself on what to do about her. He brushed over her surface thoughts wordlessly and cringed. Her agony was more profound than he had seen in 3 centuries of life.

Magnus looked sternly chastened by such words from a Salubri and said in a shocked voice, "Staking her would have been cruel...." Fursa's howls were getting to him, no doubt of it. "Please, Arkien...this is too much for me...."

"Of course, Magnus." Arkien said as he reached out to touch the thrashing body. He knew Magnus was totally devoted to helping the woman in whatever way he could, even if his methods had the feel of inane cruelty. Even for a man posessed of such violent religious tendencies, the Gangrel was humane. The healer silently chastened himself for being so hard on the huge man. "We'll see what we can do for her." he was confident, thought he realized that Fursa was very broken in the mind. Concentrating his unique discipline on the matter at hand, he focussed his considerable will before touching his bare hand to her bare leg.

The howls stopped and the body went totally limp. Magnus gasped.

"Get her down from there." Arkien ordered solemnly as he looked on. "Let's get her to somewhere more pleasant."

A growl erupted from her throat and she snarled at Jason "Let me up!"

"Hell no, *My Prince*...." he challenged venomously.

"Damn straight Brujah boy!" she growled, very annoyed by this whole affair.

Jason, of course, was not convinced, totally, that she was all there...yet. "A few minutes ago, you were carrying on about how the Prince was gonna be pissed off...can I *ask* which Prince this was?"

She blinked and flexed her arms again "Will you puleaze stop this and let me up?" She was somewhere between irritated and confused now.

"Heal your hands and we'll talk about it...."

I sang Alleluia in the choir
I confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man
My brothers they never went blind for what they did
But I may as well have
In the name of the Father, the Skeptic and the Son
I had one more stupid question

There was a very personal and sacred part to the healing work of the Salubri clan. Arkien had been taught by his sire that there was nothing more important than keeping the knowledge that one gained from such encounters as this confidential. Not only were there dangers of discovery, but of retribution for allowing the tongue to slip and betraying a secret that could harm the former patient. Saulot had been firm in that declaration to his clan before he went into torpor. The Salubri "mission" was to seek Golconda and to bring the message to as many as would listen. Some few elders and others were willing to make the assay and would hide the dwindling numbers of the clan from Tremere assailants--Fursa had been one of these.

As he cradled and worked his talent on the Gangrel's soul, there was a captivating melody that filled the backwaters of Arkien's mind. It was a male voice, singing a song about loves lost and found, the meaning of it was a key to understanding the seat of the madness. He took his time and keyed into both the song and its meaning, finding more resistance, the closer he got to it. The Salubri retained a firm control of her all the while. All efforts to thwart him made futile by the howling war going on within her between wounded woman and wounded beast.

Then the voice stopped suddenly, Arkien sensed that he had found the key. From out of nowhere came the crystal clear images of the event that triggered the madness....

Arkien watched the scene unfold as the madness played it out in lucid detail. The young man approached Fursa from behind, singing that song, reminding her of a love long dead. He watched as Brandon put his strong arms around her body in a tight hug and murmured lurid and passionate things to her. It was a play on the feelings of a woman mouring the loss of a loved one--Kern in this case--and succumbed to. From his vantage point, he could see, hear, and feel everything that happened. What he was seeing was certainly an eyeful.

Brandon sank his teeth into her flesh and drank deeply. She feel effortlessly into his embrace, seeming to crave the Kiss. The longest of moments passed, the two of them dancing a lurid spectacle of sensual excess in the moonlight. Then she sensed something wrong and realized that she was being drained. The young Gangrel's announced his treachery a moment too soon to assure his success and she literally ripped herself away from him in a powerful motion that used all but the last few drops of her vitae. The gaping hole in her neck poured blood as she threw herself at the neonate and hit him with a flurry of clawings with such brutality that Arkien cringed with every strike.

Her vision cleared, and was followed by a desperate frenzy from the loss of blood. She fell on dying Brandon and sucked every last drop of vitae from him. It was beyond brutal and he died long before she would have diablerized him. Arkien wavered a little as he shared in the sheer horror as she realized what she had done and to whom. In spite of it all, she loved this childe and wailed out a howl of agony a second before the guilt broke her soul.

The Salubri had been given his opening and reached in, stopping her just short of the moment. His timing and skill were unquestioned. The wounded one gave herself over to his care, at long last, and he was finally able to do for her what he could.

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

It had been three days....

Magnus paced up and down the room outside the bedchamber where Arkien had taken Fursa, trying very hard not to break down the door. Gerhardht was there, trying to offer comfort, or whatever he needed in the moment. The elder vampire kept right on pacing, oblivious. Though Magnus sensed that she was alright, perhaps better than she had been, the lack of knowing was of concern to him. It had been so long without any kind of word from within. Even more troubling was the fact that daylight might come and there may be no word this night, either.

Arkien finally opened the door and very nearly staggered out, taking the time to lean against the doorframe with a weary look of accomplishment. "I've done what I can."

Magnus looked on with a bit of surprise on his face.

"Tomorrow, it will be done as best it can be, Magnus." he exhaled as if stuggling with something inside him. "Go find rest. We need to ride to the river at nightfall."

The Gangrel quirked a brow but said nothing. "I have a promise to fulfill before dawn." he looked to Gerhardht briefly. "I'll see you then." and he followed the visibly anxious ghoul toward the upstairs. Just as he ducked to head up the stonde stairway, he looked back to the Salubri, wondering what was going on.

After Magnus left with the ghoul, Arkien stumbled back inside to the still body on the bed and threw himself down next to her. He cradled her soul inside him and the wrestling match to revive her wounded spirit could now be finished.

He guided her bleeding palm to her lips and held it to her face forcefully, growling "Heal it." She resisted at first, but the smell of the blood enticed her to lick at it in spite of herself. She closed the gashes and growled back at him.

"Oh, can it Fursa." he retorted "You're so screwed up right now that you can't even tell when you're making your hands bleed!" He almost spat on her, but thought better of it. "Get a damn grip!"

"Go to Hel, Jason!" she snarled angrily as he forced her other hand to her face, the blood again compelling her to lick at it. She loathed the compulsion and loathed herself for giving into it.

"Shut up, damn you." he yelled. "You've been totally a basketcase since the end of March and I'm gonna sit here until you come clean with me." he said, clearly remembering his sleep being disturbed that day and how utterly wrecked she was when she finally got home that night. She'd refused to talk about it and now he refused let it slide--again. The woman he loved and his Prince was starting to unravel at the seams and he was going to find out why--preferably to put a stop to it.

"I'm not hiding anything from you...."

Jason snorted, "Like hell you aren't. Woman, you are so full of secrets, they'd mistake you for a Tremere if you didn't have that fluffy tail...."

She wrenched a hand free before slamming the fist into his jaw. He went sprawling.

What I learned I rejected but I believe again

The racket could be heard throughout the house.

The Brujah was mad and it showed in the way that he scrambled to his feet. If she wanted to fight, he was more than willing now. Gloves off, it was time to rumble, blood bond or not. "Come on, Fursa. Out with it!" he spat angrily, the side of his head throbbing. There was no way he was going to let her out of it this time.

"Asshole...." The Gangrel was clearly furious, but no where near a frenzy, as she threw herself up off the floor. Of course, she didn't know why she was angry, but that wasn't the point. They traded a series of brutal blows, his superior speed leveling the field against her far superior strength.

"I admitted to that once, Love...." he retorted in kind. Jason then delivered a punch that connected with the side of her face and sent her reeling back. She checked her step as her fist landed again and took two body blows and an elbow to the chin. The exchange of blows bounced him off the wall and into a heap, her to the ground where she stood. They hit the ground at the same moment.

Magnus watched Arkien curiously as he tended her in the back of the wagon. By the reckoning of the stars, the ride down to the river would take another hour or so and then it would be another beyond that to the glade that he specified. Fursa moved under her own power, when instructed to do so, and was stretched out on a pile of hay, eyes staring skyward in silence. The Gangrel's whiteless blue eyes fixed on the road ahead for a time, wondering.

Arkien climbed into the seat beside Magnus as they reached the lower road and laid a comforting hand on the huge man's shoulder. "Take heart, Magnus." he smiled faintly as he glanced to the back at his charge.

"Is she going to be alright?" Magnus asked, watching the road ahead of them and taking the fork toward the Rhine.

"In time, yes."

Magnus cast a curious glance his way "What is that supposed to mean?" He had began to wonder about the nature of Fursa's catatonic appearance.

Arkien took a deep breath and said flatly "It means that I have done all that I can currently do for her. There were problems that I couldn't remedy."

The big man arched a brow and simply nodded.

"She will need time, Magnus." the Salubri said softly as he indicated a narrow trail into the forest by the river. "Time will tell. I can do more later, if need be. She did something she never wanted to do."

Magnus looked over at him with a curious, yet cynical eye. "Oh?"

Arkien nodded an affirmation. "Does the name "Brandon" mean anything to you?"

Magnus's eyes widened a bit as he turned the cart down the narrow and rutted road. "No wonder...." he murmured quietly.

I will suffer the consequence of this inquisition

Fursa dragged herself up off the floor of the sanctum floor and shook her head. As her eyes refocussed, she saw Jason's body laying there in a heap. At first she was angry and wanted to yell at him, but then softened again.

In one moment, she crawled over to him and pulled him into her lap, cradling him like a child, waiting for him to revive of his own.

In the next, she realized that his wounds healed slowly, maybe too slowly. His blood was thinner, it would take time...unless.

In the following, she panicked. A quick bite to the wrist followed and pushed it to his slightly parted lips.

Fursa snapped back into herself with the touch of Arkien's hand. At first, she had no idea where she was and sniffed impulsively. After a moment, her vision began to clear and she could feel a set of hands providing her with gentle support and flinched away from the touch.

"Easy, Fursa." Arkien said quietly, his voice soft and soothing, "You are safe." Arkien wasn't convinced of that, but the lupines seemed to be nowhere present tonight.

Magnus kept close enough to her to be a support if she needed it, as well as attempt to subdue her if need be. The moments dragged on as she stood there, clearly on the edge. "Fursa..." he said softly, "come back to me?" He was very calm in the voice, even if the restof him wasn't. Now was not the time for weakness, she needed him.

She simply shook for a time, the sensations in her body and her mind hard to sort out after several days of forced separation. A glance to her hands revealed the bloody flesh there and she immediately began to pick at the gore that only she could see, mumbling "I killed him...I killed him...."

Magnus looked at Arkien helplessly as the Salubri stepped closer. "Fursa, we'll wash that off your hands." he said, as if knowing why she was doing it. "Come one, let's go to the water...." Carefully, he offered her his hand to walk with him.

Fursa looked up, startled at first and then nodded cautiously. The maelstrom of feelings and inputs was confusing, at best, and Arkien and Magnus' presence was her only real anchor. She shrank back a little, bumping into Magnus and startling a little before checking herself. She tenatively put her hand out to Arkien's and then took hold of it for dear unlife as he led her on to water's edge.

Magnus followed behind carefully as she moved away from him. He watched carefully as Arkien asked her to kneel down with him, the two working carefully to wash her hands as clean as she felt she could get them. The big man knelt alongside, looking at his reflection in the rippling waters of the pool, pondering the broken image of himself while she scrubbed her hands nearly raw.

Arkien reached out and looked at Fursa's hands carefully, examining them in the moonlight. "That will have to do for now. Alright?"

Fursa looked at her hands in distaste and simply nodded "I guess. I can still see some."

"It will come off eventually." the Salubri said, realizing that it could be centuries. "Don't worry about it for now. Can you do that?"

She nodded mutely.

"Good. Can you look in the water for me?"

She looked at Arkien and then to Magnus, who simply nodded and said softly "It's okay, Fursa. I'm here." She turned her head again and looked into the moonlit water.

The blood trickling into his throat brought Jason up from the depths of unconsciousness with a start. He latched onto the source and fed vigorously for a few moments until the calm strength in the vitae shook him to his senses. His eyes opened into a forest of red hair, the dim lights of the room obscuring the face but a foot from his own. He could hear the soft sound of her weeping and the regret seemed profound. Pushing the wrist back to her, he said softly "Saeme...it's okay....I'm here."

Fursa looked down at the sound of her birth name and saw his face, partially covered in her blood, and grimaced in deep regret before pulling him up to her in a tight hug. His arms wrapped her and she sank deeper into her tears as the two kindred seemed to meld into one before the image of Sunna, the golden etched face smiling a sort of benediction.

If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven?

Arkien spoke softly "Look in the water. Who do you see?"

Fursa looked down into the reflection on the water. She saw first the lines of the myriad tattoos that cris-crossed her skin, the sacred marks of ages past and worlds to come. Her mind centered in the meanings of them for a long time, the patterns speaking to her again as they once had. Her hair streamed down around her and she looked upon the birds whose lifelike images seemed to leap out at her, screeching a silent song that only she could hear. She almost smiled, the sound so real to her.

Then she looked into her own eyes and saw they had changed. In a moment she realized that the whites were gone and the pupils had changed with them. It was a profound moment and one that she would never forget. She didn't gasp to express her shock outwardly, but turned her head to look at Magnus, whose bright blue wolf eyes burned softly in the moonlight. They shared the silence, there being nothing to say.

We all had delusions in our head
We all had our minds made up for us
We had to believe in something
So we did

"You can tell yourself that you are still human, if that is what you want to do. However, that foolish notion ends when you see the reflection of the Beast in your own eyes. Ask any Gangrel--they will tell you the truth of it."

--Edmund Broghe, Elder, Clan Brujah

--From Chapter 7 of _Endgames_ 1552 CE

[Song by Alanis Morrisette, Forgiven, from Jagged Little Pill]