I sit on the futon, staring out the window. Cleo lies next to me, reaching out to scratch me with extended claws if I don't remember to pet her.

I wonder about myself, the changes in the last few months. Consider last night. Sandra comes to give Harvey something that could help hyim -- and to apologize, something Harvey appreciated more than the physical. And I sat there waiting for a shoe to drop. I wanted to know why Sandra did this. How convenient to apologize out of Fursa's hearing. If she'd apologize before Fursa, maybe I'd see this differently. Oh I don't blame Sandra,. I don't disbelieve that she may regret what she said to Harvey and her gift could be useful to Harvey.

I'm just not able to take what anyone says at face value -- well, I suppose Harvey gets close, but....

And Sandra.... I regret what I have lost there. I don't know her at all. "I am what I always was."

I hope it does not come to the death of one of us for I'm sure it would mean my death.