For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals.
Then something happened which unleashed the powers of our imaginations:
We learned to talk.

I hit the bed hard, pulling the covers over myself. It was only then, when I couldn't open my eyes, that the aftertaste intruded on my awareness.

Mugwort. The dream herb.

Oh. Shit.

It's too late, I can't make myself move. How long ago did I realize it? And then consciousness leaves me.

There's silence surrounding
I can't seem to think straight
I sit in the corner
and no one can bother me.

I'm never alone. I know that. There's always the coven.

The fire burns at each point and I'm in the center next to Lady Ildeera, facing the north. My athame gleams in the light. I know Gate's behind me, and off to one side I can see Connor holding the wards and Shimmer's veil gleaming. But there's no sound. I know my mouth is open, can feel my throat relaxed, feel the buzz of the note in my face. It's silent.

Ildeera's arms come up behind me as we Call the Element of Earth. Earth, so important for healing, and the base of the rest...In slow motion we turn, facing Connor at the northeast before completing the gesture and facing the dawn. I can feel Gate opening the link, extending it out to Flight where he sits with Mark. I can feel it.. I'm alive..and there's still no noise, and that's somehow wrong.

That's when I realize I'm dreaming. But I'm locked into sleep by the drugs, and my usual lucid dreaming abilities, honed after months of study, fail me. I'm trapped and I have to watch.

The light burns my eyes. I can't look away from it. I can't look away. My Lady turns me to her to begin the Drawing Down the Moon.

I want to scream.

I think I should speak now

(Why won't you talk to me?)

I can't seem to speak now

(You never talk to me!)

My words won't come out right

(What are you thinking?)

I feel like I'm drowning

(What are you feeling?)

I can't breathe. The firelight snuffs itself in a breath and everyone vanishes. I wait for my dazzled eyes to clear and they don't. I wait. It seems like hours. After counting five thousand breaths, I realize you're not coming back.

I can't. Breathe.

I can't feel. I can't feel anything. I'm numb.

There is no fire. There is no light. I'm in blackness, and this time I can't hear the Mother's heartbeat. I'm bound and there's no one to slit the ropes as my Avatar comes alive with a bean sidhe scream and almost deafens the coven. Not this time. You're not here to help me.

You're not here to help me!

Where are you? WHERE ARE YOU? Why don't you answer? Damn you all. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

We swore oaths, don't you remember? We swore to one another, damn you all, you are all oathbreakers as much as I am.

I'm allowed to be angry! Here, now, it doesn't matter. I am angry at you, all of you! You left me. You left me...

and it's all my fault.

I called the lightning down.

You were my reality. If I could just reach out and bend it, it would be worth the Paradox and Scourge. If I could only have you back for one minute. Alone.

You cannot be a witch alone. I never knew what that meant before. Now I have a fraction of a bit of a clue, and I can't handle it.

I am alone.

I'm feeling weak now.

(Why won't you talk to me?)

But I can't show my weakness.

(You never talk to me!)

I sometimes wonder

(What are you thinking?)

Where do we go from here?

(What are you feeling?)

You circle me, and I can't touch you. "You didn't do it, Alaerian." Soft words from a soft heart, as always. We both know better. Why are you lying to me? To ease my feelings?

I'll never be the same, Ildeera.

Your voice changes to another, soft but firm. "The wards were mine."

No. No, my brother. Never. I called the Quarters. They were mine to guard as much as yours.

"And inexperience happens." Dancer, almost Eloine reborn... "None of us blame you."

"Why do you blame yourself?"

It's a trick. It's all a trick. I will fulfill at least one side of the Pyramid.

I will be Silent.

It doesn't have to be like this.
All we need to do
is make sure
we keep
talking

I'm numb. Let me sleep

let me Sleep

I can't fight anymore

I'm not strong enough

I'm not worthy of the Singer

of the Song

of the beat that pulses through my oathbreaker's veins

and I swore oaths too

let me be free of them

let me Sleep

Why won't you talk to me?

(I feel like I'm drowning)

You never talk to me!

(You know I can't breathe now)

What are you thinking?

(We're going nowhere)

What are you feeling?

(We're going nowhere...)

Lyrics: "Keep Talking" by Pink Floyd from Division Bell.]