Boston Globe, March 1, 2010

Front Page

Researchers at MIT announced today the birth of the world's first mechanical intelligence. While limited in scope and the level of the machine's knowledge, Doctor Stephen R. Dennison went on to explain that his team's creation, IRAT, which stands for Intelligent Robotic Automated Transport, is the result of five years of extensive work and contruction testing, and with the appropriate sensor packages and controls, can make decisions on travel paths based on current conditions and the likelihood of further problems occurring. Dr. Dennison went on to extoll the numerous ways such a machine could improve the quality of life for humanity, "Think of it...cars that only have accidents because of mechanical failure. No more driver error. Airplanes that constantly monitor all systems and never miss a detail due to it being a boring and 'routine' check. Drivers and pilots that dont fall asleep at the wheel or get drunk!" The doctor was inundated with a flood of questions, but refused to answer them, instead stepping aside to allow the IRAT to demonstrate...

(Three pictures are included, two of the IRAT walking around on its spider-like legs, apparently weaving its way through a small obstacle course, and one of Dr. Dennison, a thin, tall man in a lab coat, grinning from ear to ear like he just won the lottery).

Medicine and Your Health section

Proctor and Gamble's Boston offices are welcoming a new division that is meeting quite a bit of praise in Boston's medical society. Doctor Rikard Patel and his team of researchers will be moving into the new 'Genetic Reconstruction' labs that P&G have made much noise about funding, to investigate the possible ways to prevent and cure genetic damage caused by radiation, and some birth defects. Unlike most of its operations, P&G has decided to make a public relations campaign out of their new lab, claiming that they will make public domain any cures or other solutions that Dr. Patel's team is able to solidify. Said Dr. Patel, "I welcome this wonderful opportunity from the people at Proctor & Gamble...Ive spent most of my time working with underfunded labs in Chicago, and now we are finally being given everything we need to work. We're going to do great things."